[Editor's Note: The views of this column do not necessarily reflect those of SOHH.com]
1. Plastic Crush On You
It?s no secret doggies, Lil? Kim is an addict and it?s not to the d*ck or the music. As her fans will now tell y?all, it?s to the plastic surgery. Now I don?t recall if I?ve said this in past Pulse Reports, but I?ve always had a dream of getting to have sex with Kim. Yes. I said it. Something about hearing those nasty raps on Hardcore, knowing she was down with Notorious B.I.G., and just all those x-rated rumors you heard about at the lunch table back in the day. LOL. But in 2012? SMH. I can?t even call it. My head says no and my other head says ?H*LL NO!!!? LOL. There?s nothing sexy about what she?s looked like anymore. I?m even starting to think she may get surger on her throat. Now before I get too ahead of myself, let me bring doggies up to speed with why Kim has ?suddenly? become a hot topic.
Lil Kim stepped out on Wednesday night for BET?s Rip the Runway 2012 at the Hammerstein Ballroom in New York City, but apparently left her eyebrows at home, as they were missing from here face in photos. No it wasn?t a bad Photoshop job, but Lil Kim, 37, appears to have lost her brows completely. She showed up to the event with spider lashes, a blotchy complexion and completely bleached eyebrows. She performed during the show wearing a half-sequin, half-sheer jumpsuit with giant shoulder pads. (International Business Times)
^ It?s kind of hard to not have the actual footage from the show, but facts are facts and photos are photos. LOL. The wild thing is most doggies are allowed to have a good day/night, but when you?re going out to a big event like BET?s Rip the Runway, you have to figure you?d be in tip top form before getting those media photos shot at you. This was ?not? the case with Kim. Even though I don?t really take Twitter seriously, doggies went OFF on Kim! Peep what doggies were spitting:
David Woods from Twirlit had some harsh criticism for the rap diva, who is trying to make a comeback.
?Seriously, what is she thinking with those eyebrows? They aren?t really there, but they also aren?t not there. It?s like they are trying to hide behind her skin because they are embarrassed to be seen on her face,? he wrote.
Twitter users seem to hold similar opinions.
?Lil Kim is no longer human. She?s one of the cat people,? wrote Twitter user TheXDExperience.
?I can?t even laugh no more at Lil Kim? The way she?s looking is just sad,? KamilleLeai wrote.
Her eyebrows were last seen when she did a performance in early February but have since gone M.I.A. (International Business Times)
But doggies yapping on Twitter really isn?t anything new. Plastic surgeons going off on Kim? LOL!!!!! SHOTS FIRED!
?Lil Kim looks like a big mess. Her face and body appear to have transformed into a different person entirely,? Youn, who has not treated the star, told RadarOnline.com in an exclusive interview. ?I suspect that she?s had a lot of plastic surgery, including a nose job (or more than one) that?s thinned her nose to the proportions of a popsicle stick. ? Her face appears contoured and has a waxy sheen. It appears that she?s undergone injection of fillers as well. ? Her body is much more curvy, and could have undergone enhancement with solid silicone buttock implants. Her overall appearance makes me concerned that she has a serious body image problem.? (Radar Online)
^ LOL! Radar, y?all are WRONG for that one. Judge for yourself, doggies. Is this the infamous Notorious K.I.M. we all remember? And let?s not hate too much, none of us were yapping when she got those fake knockers back in 2002, but ten years later?
2. The $100 + $1 Million Couple
LOL. ^ For doggies that don?t know, that was a joke since Wiz Khalifa said he planned on making $100 this year and Amber Rose would scoop up a $1 million on her own. LOL. But for the doggies that have yet to hear the news, Wiz Khalifa and Amber Rose are REALLY getting married. LOL. As a matter of fact:
Wiz Khalifa?s love for Amber Rose has never been a secret, and on Thursday (March 1), the ?Black Yellow? MC made things just a little more official when he popped the question to his girlfriend of one year. He then shared the moment with a few million of his fans on Twitter, writing, ?She Said Yes!!!? with a picture of Amber sporting an oval-cut diamond ring. ?He made me the Happiest Woman in the World!!!!? Rose followed up on Twitter with the same picture attached to her message. ?We Love all u Rosebuds, Rosestuds Taylors so much!? (MTV)
^ Now that, that?s out of the way, let me break down to y?all the Top 5 Reasons these doggies are going to make it, not break it, when marriage comes.
1.) Girls, Girls, Girls
Let?s not act like we don?t know the obvious, doggies. Amber Rose likes girls. Wiz Khalifa likes girls. How can any doggy not get down with that? Married or not, we all know they seem like the type to live the swinger life. LOL. If I were a betting doggy, I?d say Rose would be the first to ask if Wiz wanted some girl-on-girl action. LOL.
2.) Early Success
What I initially thought was the fame would separate these two. BUT, that?s not really the case when you look at how they met. Think about it doggies, these two really hooked up on the cusp of both of their careers. ?Black Yellow? had a steady buzz, but Rolling Papers was no where close to dropping. So the fact they became love items ?before? the fame, well, doggies, just look at Eminem and Kim Mathers. Well, uh, minus all that drama. LOL.
3.) ?Cause They?re Out There Grindin?
Truth be told, if you would have told me Amber Rose would be doing music a year ago, well, I?d probably have laughed in your face. If you would have told me six months later that Wiz would be on her first single? I?d probably have laughed until my stomach hurt. These two are perfect together. Bottom line. The more we hate on them, the closer they bond, but seeing that Wiz is out there, Amber is out there, you can?t hate on their grind.
4.) Age Is Something, It?s A Number
I hate to say it, but age plays a big role in relationships. Yeah, y?all can say all you want about Jay-Z and Beyonce, but they?re the major exception. Something about big age gaps can really hurt. The fact Kanye West was in his 30?s when he hooked up with Rose, who is still in her 20?s, and later broke up told me they just weren?t on even grounds. Wiz is 24, Amber is 28, so not only are these two able to laugh about the same 80?s/90?s jokes, they?re able to call themselves true 80?s babies. LOL.
5.) Too X-Treme? Please??
I mean, really doggies, what better way can I put it than?..we all have seen not only nude, but GRAPHIC naked shots of Amber Rose. There?s only a certain amount of doggies that can live with that fact. I mean, how can you go to your doggies knowing they got those photos right-clicked and saved as onto their laptops? LOL. Bottom line is Wiz saw past all that and they?re still rocking. Doggy has me thinking a sextape could drop once they officially marry and he?d look like that?s gravy. LOL. Nothing is breaking these two apart. That?s a fact.
3. Doggy of the Week: Diddy
This was a no-brainer, doggies. Diddy, Puffy Daddy, Puffles, whatever you want to call him, doggy held things down for the past seven days. Where do you even start? You can look at that wild stunt he did at the All-Star Game or look at him getting an Oscar for that tear-jerking documentary or even the fact that he was at a loss for words following the win. LOL. Nah? Still not satisfied, well then seeing him have a strong Bad Boy Records presence on the new XXL Freshmen ?12 magazine cover has to pave a lane for Shiny Suit Man for ?Doggy of the Week? props!
1. Doggy?s Take My Balls. Pause.
Chase Budinger kicked off the Slam Dunk contest with a fantastic reference to Woody Harrleson and White Men Can?t Jump, with an obviously staged skit that was made to look spontaneous. TNT analyst Kenny Smith came out with a mic and asked P. Diddy about his son and his new TV channel, before asking about his favorite basketball movie. Diddy answered with the Harrleson classic and Budinger appeared in a white tee and a backwards baseball cap. Budinger, determined to prove to Diddy that white men can, in fact, jump, decided to jump over P. Diddy. The rap mogul was kind enough to throw the ball up to Budinger with a no-look, over the shoulder pass. Budinger jumped over Diddy and threw it down in impressive fashion. (SB Nation)
CLASSIC! Now by this point, every doggy realizes Chase Budinger did not win the dunk contest, but for him to receive a perfect alley-oop from Diddy, of all doggies, on the FIRST ATTEMPT!? LOL!!! That?s major. And no doggy can hate on the homage they did to White Men Can?t Jump, with a black doggy (Diddy) being the Welsey Snipes to Chase?s Woody Harrleson. LOL! That was hot, doggies!
2. OH. SH*T. MOTHERDOGGY GOD D*MN!
?Holy sh*t!!!!,? he tweeted.
?God is the greatest!!!! Thank you! #undefeated !!!!?
?I am buggin? (Diddy?s Twitter)
I haven?t seen this flick yet, doggies, but give it up to Diddy. For him to be a part of such a dope project? I really don?t know how big of a role he had even though it reads ?executive producer,? but you have to think this was something Puffy at least had a little belief in before signing on that dotted line. Congrats but even bigger props for being a real doggy. Seeing those tweets from Puffy made me feel like he was a real doggy. No political stuff, doggy kept it real. ?Holy sh*t! I am buggin?!!!? LOL!!!! Love that, doggies!
3. And I?m Just Gonna Say This, Doggies
?Hello World, Waking up the day after such an incredible experience is humbling. I have had so many dreams, some came true others are still being worked on. That said, being apart of a film that shows the drive and determination of kids who seemingly have no hope, no future, and nothing but obstacles, has taught me that there is a universal spirit of faith and character in all of us that binds us. Their story is my story, is our story, is your story at some real level, we can relate. Once the flame is ignited in us, nothing can stop us. I hope to be that spark that makes everyone believe anything is possible. God bless you all and I thank you for sharing in this honor with me.? (Statement)
^ LOL! It didn?t take long before this happened. LOL. Props to Puff for getting his grown, executive look on right here. LOL.
4. I Don?t Write Rhymes, I Write Checks, Doggies
It?s that time of year again ? XXL has officially revealed its list of the top hip hop ?freshmen? of 2012, honoring fresh new talent poised to make a mark on the industry. The list has grown in popularity and garnered heated anticipation each year since its introduction in 2007. This year #XXLFreshmen2012 shot to the top of Twitter?s worldwide trending topics within minutes of the announcement. The XXL Freshmen Class of 2012 is: Future, Kid Ink, Danny Brown, French Montana, Roscoe Dash, Macklemore, Don Trip, Machine Gun Kelly, Hopsin and Iggy Azalea. (BET)
^ Hate to say it doggies, but Diddy might have the most anticipated roster in hip-hop. We?ve already seen what Young Money/Cash Money is about and G.O.O.D. Music/Taylor Gang/Jet Life/etc. have a lot to prove, but seeing doggies like French Montana, Machine Gun Kelly, Los and why not, even Red Cafe all under the same team? Even though it?s 2012 and magazines don?t mean too much, sorry XXL/VIBE/Source/etc., seeing a few of your doggies gracing the cover is a good look. No other way around it.
4. Mrs. Butterworth: Karma Red
Doggies, there comes a time in our live?s when there?s that one beautiful dime piece that you get drawn to. I?m not talking about those Winnie Cooper?s or those Girl Next Door?s, I?m talking about your ultimate fantasy-type delights. Doggies, I present y?all with the one and only Karma Red. Now I suppose she?s been in the game for a long time but having come across this dime piece recently? SMH. I?m going to kill the small talk and let Karma Red?s assets take over. LOL.
And y?all know it wouldn?t be Mrs. Butterworth time unless the featured dime piece had a couple videos attached to her. Talk that talk!!!! SMH.
Karma Red by dailygirlz
MJ Karma Red ?Talk that Talk? from MJ FLIX on Vimeo.
^ LOL!!! OK, so maybe I just found three of the same videos in different formats. And here?s a little sidenote: Is it me or does Karma Red strike a close resemblance to Trina? And I?m not just talking about what?s below her waist! LOL!!!!!!!
5. ?STFU? Honors
Another week down, doggies, and they?re still up and at ?em. LOL. It?s the best of times, it?s the worst of times and, in most cases, it?s the most ?SMH? of times courtesy of five doggies. This week, we gotta take a look at Bizarre, FORMERLY of D12, clearly losing any appeal, even if he?s talking about getting tattoos on his buttocks. Next? Who else but Nas? Only a doggy like Nas can get compared to Dr. Dre when it comes to putting out new music and then breaking promises, specifically with albums. SMH. Worst than the both of them is Nicki Minaj denying going pop. LOL. C?mon Son Nicki, ?we?re? the crazy ones for not ?growing? with you? LOL!!!!!! Speaking of Young Money, Lil Wayne acting like he can really compete with Nike and Reebok? LOL. Catch up to Soulja Boy?s Yums or those Game Hurricane Game sneakers. LOL. You?re about a decade late, Weezy. And then, who else but DMX? SMH. Bold enough to turn down a record deal with Rick Ross? LOL!!!!!!! In case y?all didn?t realize it, it?s time for ?SHUT THE F*CK UP? Honors, doggies!
1. Bizarre
?I don?t know, man. She?s been responding a little bit, so I might not need a restraining order. Somebody said some hateful sh*t and she said, ?Don?t be hatin? on my boo.? So that kinda made my day ?. [Laughs],? Biz said referring to a Twitter incident. ?[Kissing Lil Wayne?] Oh nah, nah, she can date other men, we got an open relationship. ? Uh ? next move, I?m probably gonna get Justin Bieber tatted on my a**. Nah man, next move, I?m about to put this little free album out, coming out March 30th, called This Guy?s A Weirdo. It?s my gift back to the fans that?s been down forever.?
2. Nas
?Ayo Jung! Ya Bday comin!! We goin in. 5 days NONSTOP!!! Plus we celebrating my LP being WRAPPED!!!!!!?
3. Nicki Minaj
?I would hope that people know at this point that I?m smart enough to know what I?m doing all the time. But I guess they still kind of waiver. I always intended on putting out something urban after ?Starships,? because I knew ?Starships? was a monster,? she explained. ?Maybe it would be a problem if I couldn?t deliver records like ?Roman Reloaded,? but I can. I write my own lyrics. Once again, I write my own lyrics. So it?s never a problem. Whatever I feel, I can write, I can create it. So I?m good. I think people sometimes get blown away by the magnitude of the pop stuff, because the pop stuff, it reaches everywhere and then I feel like my hip-hop fans or hip-hop culture starts getting a little bit afraid that I?m going to leave. But this is who I am. I?m not going to change ? I?m just adding on to my brand. And if you don?t understand that, then it?s probably why you don?t travel and you don?t see the world and I probably can?t even have a conversation with you anymore.?
4. Lil Wayne
?That will probably be further way down the line,? Wayne said when asked about a shoe line for his Trukfit clothing brand. ?I do have a shoe coming out soon but it won?t be Trukfit. I have a shoe with a well-known company. I just don?t want to say yet because I haven?t dotted the line yet. But it?s done. [Nike or Reebok?] Nah, it?s not a Nike or Reebok, I can tell you that much.?
5. DMX
?What?s MMG,? (***EDITOR?S NOTE: *DEAD!!!****)X asked before being told it stands for Maybach Music Group. ?Nah, see what happened, I got a letter when I was in prison like, ?Yo, yo, you know, we?ll send a limo for you and da-da-da da-da,? I appreciated the offer and all of that but I really couldn?t see it happening like that. You know what I?m saying? ? [Signing with MMG?] I said I wouldn?t sign with ?that? label. I don?t have a problem with the name or the label, how many letters are on there, just get me what I need, man. Proper promotion, that?s it. That?s it, and creative control, that?s all I need.?
***LOL!!! This might be one of the most fun Pulse Reports I?ve done in a long minute, doggies, and I really mean that! LOL! It?s been a wild past seven days, from seeing Diddy get dunked on to finding out Amber Rose finally got that ring she had been wanting. SMH. Things done changed and now that March is here, it?s only going to get crazier. To all the music heads out there, don?t forget to cop those Maino, WZRD, Estelle and Too Short albums! I?ll catch y?all on Tuesday! ?BB***
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